Rumah Kedua

Saya punya rumah kedua sekarang. :)

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Perubahan Perubahan dan Perubahan

Agustus 2011. Itu kali terakhir saya menuangkan pikiran saya di sini. Kali terakhir saya menuangkan sebagian kebahagiaan saya di dunia nyata bersama kalian ... teman-teman yang masih sangat aktif menuliskan blog.

Sekarang ... Desember 2011. Sudah empat bulan berlalu. Rasanya tak cukup waktu dan kata-kata yang bisa saya tuangkan dalam satu blog kecil ini. Lagipula, saya yakin tak ada orang yang ingin membaca blog yang terlalu panjang.

Tapi, empat bulan yang telah saya lalui di tahun ini ... benar-benar sangat berarti. Ada satu kata yang bisa merangkum semua yang terjadi kepada saya dengan sangat baik dan saya telah menorehkan kata itu, tidak hanya sekali, namun tiga kali, pada judul blog ini. Ya. Perubahan.

Empat bulan yang saya lalui benar-benar mengubah saya. Sebagian orang akan mengetahui penyebabnya dengan sangat baik, sementara yang lain harus memuaskan diri dengan suatu kesimpulan sederhana dari saya: Perubahan itu membuat saya menjadi lebih baik.

Lebih baik. Menurut saya. Jadi, ya, perkataan itu bersifat subyektif. Saya tak tahu dan, mungkin, tak peduli bagaimana orang lain melihat perubahan yang terjadi dalam diri saya. Satu hal yang saya tahu pasti, saya menyukai diri saya yang sekarang, hasil suatu perubahan, dan mensyukuri perubahan itu.

Hal ini membuat saya berpikir. Lagi-lagi perubahan terjadi dalam kehidupan saya. Lagi-lagi perubahan itu terjadi kepada diri saya. Lagi-lagi saya tak bisa menghindar dari perubahan. Apakah setiap manusia memang tidak akan pernah bisa tidak berubah?

Manusia itu dinamis, saya pernah mendengar kata-kata itu di suatu tempat, dinamis dan tak pernah mau diam di tempat awal mereka. Mereka selalu ingin bergerak menuju tempat yang lebih baik dari mereka. Mungkin hal inilah yang menyebabkan perubahan menjadi suatu hal mutlak tak terelakkan di kehidupan manusia.

Perubahan dapat terjadi dengan mudah--nyaris tanpa kita sadari--atau dengan proses yang sulit dan, tak jarang, menyakitkan. Saya rasa ... kedua perubahan tersebut memiliki peranan yang berbeda dalam membentuk atau menghancurkan seseorang. Kedua perubahan itu juga, mungkin saja, tak diharapkan, namun sekali lagi, kita tetap tidak akan bisa menghindarinya.

Dan ... dari seluruh perubahan yang saya alami selama hidup saya yang masih tergolong baru ini, mungkin perubahan selama empat bulan inilah yang memberikan makna terdalam kepada saya. Proses perubahan yang memakan kesabaran, kekuatan dan keikhlasan selama diri saya perlahan bermetamorfosis menjadi saya yang sekarang.

Jadi, terima kasih.

Terima kasih kepada kalian yang menyebabkan saya berubah. Terima kasih kepada kalian yang ada dan terus mendukung saya dalam proses yang saya anggap telah mendewasakan diri saya itu. Terima kasih kepada satu-satunya Sang Pendengar yang telah memberikan jawaban tidak melalui kata-kata, namun melalui pemahaman dan kesunyian. Terima kasih kepada kalian yang telah hadir, singgah dan melewati hati saya.

Perubahan itu memang menyakitkan, saat itu, namun bukan hanya saya yang terluka dan rasa sakit itu adalah suatu tanda bahwa saya bisa menjadi lebih baik lagi.

Terima kasih. Sekali lagi.

Another Year, Another Lifetime

That is not my cake... mine is a Tiramisu. :9

Anyway! Another year has pass by for me. Today is my birthday so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Hha. Another year has passed, another lifetime gone by. Will I change for the better today, or will I stay stuck on this stage and never be better? I don't know for now but I'm sure want to change. At least, I hope I can change for the better. :)

I'm grateful for Allah, Who still gives me a chance to live in this beloved--yet corrupted--Earth. My birthday this year is quite special since the day after is the first day of Ramadhan! It's such a pleasure to be able to taste Ramadhan once again... :)

Beside that, this is the first time I celebrate my birthday away from my family! It feels a little bit sad but my friends surprised me with cake and presents... so I must say that this day is so special. I still can't believe my friends did all that for my birthday and frankly, now I'm a little bit worry about what will I give to them for their birthday! Hopefully my presents will be special for them too. :)

Otot Jantung

Otot jantung memiliki ciri-ciri:

• Memiliki sarkomer
• Inti hanya satu di tengah
• Autoritme (bisa mengatur ritmenya sendiri)
• Potensial aksinya lebih lama dari otot lurik
• Nerupakan contoh otot viseral (single unit)
• Memiliki Tubulus-T yang lebih besar dari otot-otot lainnya
• Memiliki mitokondria yang lebih banyak
• Memiliki difus interkalaris yang berfungsi untuk memisahkan sel-sel otot jantung yang satu dengan yang lainnya.

Salah satu ciri dari otot jantung adalah memiliki gerak Sinsitium yang berarti apabila satu sel otot terkena sinyal, maka semua sel akan terkena pula. Hal ini dibutuhkan karena otot jantung harus terus bekerja, bahkan di saat kita dalam kondisi tidak sadar.

Otot jantung juga memiliki suatu Autoregulasi Intrinsik atau kemampuan otot jantung untuk mencentuskan sinyal syaraf dari jantung itu sendiri. Autoregulasi intrinsik ini dapat terjadi karena adanya Simpul Sinoatrial (Simpul S-A) pada jantung. Simpul S-A inilah yang merupakan pencetus impuls pada jantung. (pemacu jantung)

Hubungan EKG dengan Siklus Jantung

EKG atau Elektrokardiogram adalah suatu alat yang dapat digunakan untuk melihat pengaruh perbedaan potensial listrik pada jantung. EKG mencatat kedepolarisasian otot jantung yang lalu digambarkan sebagai gelombang P, Q, R, S, dan T.
Gelombang P: menggambarkan depolarisasi ATRIUM, sebelum tekanan atrium meningkat. Saat Simpul S-A mengeluarkan impuls syaraf.
Gelombang Q-R-S: menggambarkan depolarisasi Ventrikel. Gelombang R juga menggambarkan jantung sebelum timbulnya sistolik (kontraksi ventrikel).
Gelombang T: menggambarkan keadaan repolarisasi Ventrikel -> ventrikel kembali seperti semula. Muncul sebelum akhir kontraksi.

Lapisan otot jantung:

1. Epikardium: bagian membran terluar dari otot jantung
2. Miokardium: bagian tengah, merupakan otot jantung itu sendiri, bertanggung jawab untuk terjadinya kontraksi
3. Endokardium: lapisan bagian paling dalam, yang kontak dengan darah.

Cardiac Arrythmias (Kelainan Otot Jantung):

• Takikordia: Ritme jantung meningkat
• Bradikordia: Ritme jantung menurun
• Sinus arrhythmia: Ritme jantung berubah 5% sampai 30% saat pernapasan
• Kontraksi prematur atrium: interval antara satu degup jantung dengan degup jantung selanjutnya berkurang.

Kontraksi Otot

Sistematika Kontraksi Otot:

1. Adanya hubungan syaraf-otot menimbulkan impuls dari syaraf yang mengakibatkan neurotransmitter mengeluarkan Asetilkolin. Asetilkolin itu sendiri nantinya akan dilepaskan kepada reseptor otot melalui celah sinaps. Asetilkolin bergerak dari pra-sinaps menuju pasca-sinaps.
2. Setelah Asetilkolin berikatan dengan reseptor otot, akan terjadi suatu potensial aksi sehingga otot terdepolarisasi sehingga Retikulum Sarkoplasma akan mengeluarkan ion kalsium. Ion kalsium tersebut kemudian akan dibawa ke serabut otot melalui Tubulus-T (Tubulus transfer).
3. Ion Kalsium kemudian akan berikatan dengan active side troponin dari Aktin. Active side ini sebelumnya memiliki posisi yang tertutup (terhalang) dengan tropomiosin, sehingga tidak dapat terjadi aktifitas sliding antara aktin dan miosin. Saat ion Kalsium berikatan dengan active side, maka kepala miosin akan mengubah konformasinya sehingga active side tidak lagi terhalang (terbuka) dan dapat terjadi sliding antara aktin dan miosin.
4. Kontraksi terjadi saat terjadi aktivitas sliding antara aktin dan miosin dengan bantuan ATP.

Berdasarkan penjabaran di atas, maka dapat diambil kesimpulan bahwa faktor-faktor yang berpengaruh pada proses kontraksi otot adalah:

• Adanya impuls dari syaraf yang merupakan pencetus awal pengeluaran Asetilkolin pada neuromuscular junction.
• Adanya ion kalsium dalam konsentrasi cukup yang dikeluarkan oleh Retikulum Sarkoplasma
• Adanya ATP yang berfungsi untuk membantu proses sliding aktin dan miosin.
• Aktin dan Miosin.

Sistematika kontraksi otot ini berlaku untuk semua otot, baik otot lurik, otot polos maupun otot jantung. Hanya saja, terdapat beberapa perbedaan, seperti:

1. Untuk otot lurik, kontraksi otot ini dilakukan secara sadar, jadi impuls syaraf berasal dari sistem syaraf somatis sedangkan untuk otot polos maupun otot jantung, kontraksi otot dilakukan tanpa disadari, sehingga impuls syarafnya berasal dari sistem syaraf autosomal.
2. Pada otot jantung, terdapat suatu autoregulasi intrinsik, yaitu Nodus S-A yang dapat menghantarkan impuls sendiri, sehingga jantung tidak harus mendapatkan impuls syaraf dari sistem syaraf autosomal untuk berdetak. Jantung memiliki alat pemacu detaknya sendiri.
3. Sebagian besar otot polos dan otot jantung memiliki hubungan syaraf difus karena susunan otot mereka adalah viseral yang berarti otot yang berkelompok sehingga apabila satu ujung syaraf otot mendapatkan impuls syaraf, maka impuls syaraf tersebut akan langsung disampaikan ke semua syaraf otot lainnya.

Mirror World 3/3

Mirror World (3/3)

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

--

I close my eyes. I’m so tired. My wand is thrown and maybe snapped somewhere. The sky is dark, the ground cold and muddy as rain falls and washes everything; the blood, especially. I smile sardonically. Even the Nature gives such an appropriate setting for the Final Battle.

Dark clouds and raging storms are present just like in the movie cliché while hundreds of wizards and witches battling each other. The smell of flesh burning, the pained screams, and the sight of blood running... it all makes a strange harmony here.

The most beautiful and scary thing though... is the green light. It flashes everywhere. I must have lost my mind when I thought the green flash of Avada Kedavra as a firework. I chuckle slightly and immediately cough soon after. Blood dripping to my chin, falling towards my robe but it doesn’t matter. My robe is black and even it has change colour since the blood matting it is too much.

 My stomach is gaping. A Slashing curse. I don’t even know who cast it. It might be Aurors or even my fellow Death Eaters. It doesn’t matter though, because they haven’t taken my life yet. He hasn’t broken his promise yet.

He will never break his promise. I know that.

“Malfoy? Oh Merlin, no. Malfoy? Malfoy?!”

Ah... see? I know he will never break his promise.

I open my eyes and his scar is the first thing I see. Ironic. He is kneeling besides me now, lifting my head gently and placing it on his lap. His face is dirty with blood and mud and soot. There is blood dripping from his cheek and his glasses is crooked. I do wonder how it can still be in place.

“Malfoy?! Come on! Don’t die!”

He sounds so scared... so afraid. For what though? This is my Fate, Harry. I’ve told you so. You sappy Gryffindor should have learn to look at reality by now, shouldn’t you?

“Wait, Malfoy... Snape gives me potions, for emergency. I think I still have one left. Please don’t die yet, please...”

You are rambling, Harry. Silly Gryffindor, always caring too much about other people.

“...ry...” I can’t even speak properly, how shameful. I lift a shaky hand to touch his face. It’s quite an effort and soon after, my hand falls back, having not enough strength to keep it lifted.

“keep... promise.” I hope he understands.

I watch him closely and can tell the exact moment he understand what I mean. His eyes widened and what colour left on his face is gone. He is as pale as a dead body now. Maybe almost as pale as me.

...Heh, it’s a bad joke.

“No, no Malfoy. You’re not going to die! I- I can’t keep that promise!! No...”

Oh no, Harry. You do. You can keep the promise. I’m sure you can.

I stare at your green eyes. My lips aren’t moving from their small smile. I know you will be able to keep the promise, you just need a moment to defeat your denial.

“Malfoy... D-Draco...”

Ah, you sneaky little bastard. How dare you using my first name at this time. That’s worthy a Slytherin, Harry.

“Draco... I... I’m so sorry...”

Warm lips descended to mine. I can taste the salty tears from Harry and I don’t think it will be bad even it is going to be the last thing I taste.

“I lo...ve you, Ha...ry.” I’m sorry, Harry but I can’t let go before I tell you that. I’m so sorry.

Your eyes are closed when you point your wand at me. I can see tears running freely on your cheek and then, I can see the tip of your wand glowing green. Ah... so the firework will begin soon. I wish it’ll be so pretty.

“...Avada Kedavra.”

The firework goes off.

I close my eyes in gratitude...because Harry has fulfilled his promise.

I just wish... next time I open my eyes, I will be at the Mirror World.

-0-

 ~Fin

Mirror World 2/3

Mirror World (2/3)

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

--

-0-

When I read though, I forget about the Mirror World. It doesn’t matter what book I read, it’ll always hold my full attention. You see, I really love to read. I longed for new knowledge, especially about Potion, Charms, and Runes. Yes, I do study, unlike your assumption that I bribe the professors to get my marks.

I’ve probably read as much books as Granger has, if not more since I have more access than her.

I lost myself in the book once I’m reading. I have no time to worry about my surroundings, much less about an imaginary world. Maybe that’s why I often spend my time at the library. Every free time, my friends know where to find me. I even skipped dinner sometimes, only because I’ve found an interesting book.

My friends never bothered me once I enter library. Crabbe and Goyle certainly are allergic to book and knowledge so there’s no way they will follow me there and the other Slytherins know it was useless to accompany me since I’ll immediately lost in my own world, not responding to whatever they said.

That’s why, I was surprised when someone suddenly yanked the book I’m currently reading away from me.

“Hey! What—“ my complain dies in my throat once I see that you are the one who stole the book .

You have frown on your face as you read the book title, do you know that? Your nose wrinkles so slightly, almost like you don’t believe anyone will ever want to read the book.

“Advance Potion, Extreme Potions for Masters.” You mumbled, reading the title out loud while raising an eyebrow to me. Your green eyes shine with amusement. I just can’t stand not teasing you when you give me such a blatant challenge like that.

“What,” I drawled, my usual smirk ready on place. “just because you don’t have enough brain to read it, doesn’t mean everybody cant, Potty. I, unlike you, am very capable of making potion after all.”

You actually surprised me when you reply my smirk with your own. “Git.” You muttered but that word hold no venom at all. “No wonder you are Snape’s favourite student. Although, I still can’t see why anybody will want to stay for such a long time making stinky and gooey liquid.” You wrinkled your nose again in disgust and I must keep my smile hidden.

“You just say that because you’re jealous that I’m better at Potion than you.” I answered nonchalantly. I heard you snort disbelievingly and glared. I straighten my back, ready to confront you seriously this time.

“So what are you doing here alone, Potty? Where are your sidekicks?”

You shrugged, completely unaffected by my glare and I sneered hatefully at you. “Don’t sneer at me like that, Malfoy. Honestly, I do wonder if you could make out any other expressions other than that, sometimes.” He sighed and flopped himself down on the chair right across mine.

I scowl. “Who gives you permission to sit there, Scar-head?” I sneered. The nerve of him, sitting there and relaxing like we are friends!

“Oh, cool off, Malfoy. This is a library, I don’t need anyone’s permission to sit.”

“You need it if you were sitting across from me.” I replied in a hiss. Sometimes you can bring the worst of me without even trying, you know that? Simple remarks from you and then I’ll feel very mad. You don’t care though. You never do care about anything that I said and I don’t know why, but it hurts. Merlin, it hurts so much that I can hate you more just because of that.

 

“Well then, if you said so, may I sit here, Malfoy?” You ask me, but your voice and your eyes make it a challenge. What you mean to say is, “Are you afraid if I sit here?” and I know it perfectly why you said it like that. I never can back down from a challenge, especially not one from you.

“I’d rather not be disturb by your moronic actions and stupid bed head actually, Potty.” I snap. Your eyes narrow dangerously now and I can almost see your temper rising. Ah, so the Gryffindor is still short-tempered after all. Nothing like the cool snake.

You let out a small sigh, almost unrecognizable if I am not watching you so closely. Your eyes shine with... disappointment that quickly being replaced with anger and I feel my heart shatter... again. “Whatever, Malfoy. You’re such a git. I wonder why I bother.”

I can only watch as you stand up brusquely, your hands are fisted until your knuckles are white but you shove them into your pockets where no one can see how hard you control yourself.

For what, though? What are you controlling yourself for, Potter? Do you restraining yourself for hitting me? For yelling at me? Or is it something else...?

I can feel my temper rises too. I don’t know why, but you make me feel humiliated by nothing at all. I stand up and before knowing it, I am shouting at you.

“Yes, you shouldn’t bother with me, Potter! After all, I’m just a junior Death Eater am I not? I’m totally worthless compare to the Saviour, am I not?!” I can hear myself chuckling without humour. “Oh Mighty Potty, you just can’t help it when you see a poor, misguided children like me, can you? You are hoping you can take me to your side, fighting the Dark Lord. You are hoping I will leave my Family so easily just to help you doing what is right,”

You are turning around now, green eyes blazing as dangerously as magic swirls around you. You are always so powerful, you know? You can’t control your power though, that’s why it’s swirling so dangerously... so beautifully around you whenever you’re mad, just like now.

“Malfoy...”

Your voice is a mere hiss of dangerous snake, a warning for a fool like me. I ignore it though, just like you who never care about what I said, I will not give a knut for what you said either.

“Well you know what, Potty? Tough shite! I will not do it! I will not abandon my Family just to save the Wizarding World because you know what? I don’t care about the World where my Family dies. I don’t think you can understand though. After all, you never do know what FAMILY feels like, do you?!”

I know I overstep the border almost as soon as I said that, but I never realize when you’re moving. Next thing I know, my head bumps against something hard and the sound of books falling from their shelf can be heard around me. I shut my eyes with a hiss. A dull throb is starting and I feel a little bit dizzy.

“Shut your trap, Malfoy,” you hiss so lowly and yet, I feel fear run along my body by that sound. “You do not know anything about me. You do not know anything about what I want so you can shut your trap now about all of your self-pity and petty assumption because you know what? You worth nothing. NOTHING at all. You and your family. You all are beyond redemption and I don’t even know how I can think otherwise.”

Your green eyes pierce into my silver ones. They are so bright, but from this close, I can see small flecks of brown contaminating the green. Ah, so your eyes aren’t truly your mother eyes at all. Your father is also shown there.

“If I do worth nothing, then why are you still here...?” my voice is a whisper. I don’t know why I bother to lower my voice since if Madame Pince has not come to throw us out yet when you throw me against a book shelf, it can only mean that you are casting a Silencing Charm. Wandless and Wordless Silencing Charm.

Something flickers in your eyes and your hands loosened slightly. “I don’t know.” You murmur. “I don’t know why. Maybe I just don’t want to kill you. The thought of you... on the other side of war... the thought of me, holding and pointing my wand to you on the Final Battle... Killing curse on our lips...” your voice broke and you take a shaky breath.

I see you then. Truly seeing you. Do you want to know what I see? I don’t see a man who can save our World. I don’t see a Hero. I see a boy, a small boy who is torn by responsibility. A boy who wants nothing of his role, yet unable to escape from it. I see myself in you. I see Harry behind the Hero.

“We can’t escape though, Harry.” I whisper.

Your eyes widened as you stare at me. Astonish by me using your first name, I guess. I give you a small smile because just this time... just this one time, I’d rather think this is the mirror world where I can show you all my feelings. No more hiding, no more masks.

“We can’t escape from our fate, Harry,” I continue, hands moving to cup your face so tenderly. “You will beat the Dark Lord. I will become a Death Eater. We will fight each other. That is our fate.” You close your eyes, almost like you want to block the words. “But Harry... if I have to die, I want to die by your hands, by your wand.”

“My life is an expensive thing, Potter. No one deserves to take it. No one... except for you.”

A tear run down your face, Harry. Do you know that it hurts me when I see that? You’re so beautiful, Harry and yet... you’re holding such a big responsibility that it breaks you. Can’t your friends see it, Harry? Can’t they see that you’re breaking? Maybe they see it, but you just can’t let them in, can you? Because they won’t understand... because they are not being pushed by the same responsibility.

“Harry Potter, promise me.” I tilt your chin with my index finger. Your green eyes—glassy because of the tears—beg to me for something... anything. I just smile. For as vulnerable as you are, Harry, I don’t think I’ve ever see you stronger than this. “Promise me Harry Potter, that you won’t let anyone but you to take my life.”

You open your mouth. I can see you trying to object it but then you see my eyes. You stare into them, entering my soul and searching whatever answer you need for your question. Then finally you sigh.

Your forehead touches mine when you whispered, “I promise” with such a broken voice I can’t help but cry silently.

-0-

TBC